My breakdown over scrambled eggs and toast

I don't know how it happened but I became really miserable over my birthday. I was in a pathetic state. It had been a particularly difficult night with Caitlin being fussy and super hungry the entire night. Being a light sleeper compared to Kelvin, I'd been getting up most the night every night to feed her or comfort her whenever she woke up. Hence, I was sleep deprived. It didn't help that I was still getting frustrated with the maid as she kept doing things which I didn't ask or doing the opposite of what I asked.
I felt isloated, trapped and like I had nobody to help me. It felt like I would never get any rest and that every night would be the same upsetting baby crying with tension filled wakeful sleep.

In the morning, the maid conveniently forgot to fix my breakfast so Kelvin ended up making me scrambled eggs. When I saw the plate and took a bite of the toast, I burst into tears. After a month of horrible burnt garlicy eggs and soggy toast, it was SO good to have properly cooked toast. The birthday message was quite touching too.
That afternoon, we parked the baby with my mother-in-law and went out for high tea. Just the two of us on a date. It was a good time to bring up some issues about how we were going to raise Caitlin and what role the new maid needed to play so that I could have some balance. I'm happy to say that since my birthday, things have gotten better. After sharing my feelings, Kelvin found ways to play a more active role so that I could go out and have some time off to myself. In fact, he does quite a good job of caring for the baby and is beginning to enjoy it. All I really needed was someone to watch her a couple of hours during the day so that I can either go shop for groceries, do my hair or just zone out on my own.

Part of what was stressing me out was the fact that I still felt really clueless as to what I was doing. Reading all the baby books made me realize that there was a lot to think about when it comes to caring for an infant. There were a lot of decisions to be made with regards to just sleeping and eating alone. I lamented to my father over the phone and he suggested Dr. Spock. No, not the alien from Star Trek but an institution; no bible of baby care since the 1940s. My parents used it and I was so near hyper-ventilating when I found it at Times bookstore. When my mother came over, she told me that I had been raised on this book as well. It's not bad. Pretty comprehensive. Thanks, Pa.

6 weeks old settling in

We now change Caitlin on the dinning room table because the changing table that we got from Ikea is getting a bit too small. This morning, Kelvin gave her her bath so that I could pump milk and go out to buy lunch.

I propped Caitlin up so that she could have look at things sitting up. Kelvin's wearing a mask because he has a cold.

She's fascinated with the circle pattern and the light that comes through the curtains. Somehow circles make her excited.

Kelvin says these are the most hideous pajamas ever. I agree. Unfortunately, everyone over the age of 40 thinks they're really sweet looking.

The early hours of the morning are when she's in her deepest sleep. She sometimes sleeps for 3 or 4 hours. At the moment, she's still feeding every 2 to 3 hours. On average, every 2 1/2. Much better than hourly feeding. At least I can get some sleep in between.