It's beginning to feel a lot like Xmas... weather-wise

Hi!

It's my first post as father of the child... :]
and I'm not even gonna talk about baby... much...
We're in Japan at the moment, enjoying out much deserved break.
It's pretty cold and chilly but not as bad as we expected. It hovers round the 10 degree C plus range... it was 9 whe we landed yesterday.

Jess seems to be doing ok. She was quite tired when we landed and I was quite worried that she would not be able to do much today but she felt much better after a good night's rest.

We've got a big challenge tomorrow... we're gonna have to switch hotels and lug our bags through the metro　try　to make it to Ghibili by 12 noon.

More later... got to go pack now

Costs, Round 1

Just so we all have some idea of what it takes to raise a child in Singapore.

First consultation on 16th Oct: $262.20
Blood test on 23rd Oct: $275.50
Second prenatal visit on 13th Nov: $219.40
Emergency visit to hospital because I strained my uterus while swimming: $390.71
Prenatal ultrasound at Thomson Medical on 29th Nov: $107
Third prenatal visit at 18+weeks on 1st Dec: $658 (for a package of up to 8 prenatal visits)

The grand total so far is $1,912.81

It looks like we'll have to eat in foodcourts and hawker centers more often.

It's a GIRL

So much for dreams and everyone telling me it would be a boy. Well, it's a girl.

I had a through scan in the hospital to take all the baby's measurements. It's estimated weight is 265g. Not very big but my bump is definitely getting lots bigger. My sister didn't see me for about 1 1/2 weeks. The first thing she said when she saw me again was, "Wow! You're lots bigger!"

"Really, no I'm not," as I sucked my tummy in.

Ah who am I kidding. My apettite is a lot better. I cooked some nourishing sharksfin melon soup with lots of garlic yesterday. Drank it all by myself too.

So Peimin came with us to the hospital yesterday. Aunty Princess, my daughter will have to call her. Peimin was so convinced it was a boy that she'd already suggested a list of 20 boys names. The baby was squirming around in my tummy the whole time which, was both good and bad. Good because the sonographer could get lots of different views. I mean, some women were told to walk up and down first to get the baby to "wake up". Bad because she often wouldn't stay still long enough for a proper look at her. This seems to be worrisome trend. Every time I get a look at her with the ultrasound machine, she's moving...a lot.

We asked the sonographer if she could tell the sex of the baby and she had to literally shake my bump so that the baby would turn. Finally she pointed to these 2 protrusions and declared that they were the folds of the libia (at least I think that's what she said). Anyway, all I saw was that there wasn't a pee-pee so it's time to think of girls names.

Afterwards, I just sat there and contemplated having a daughter while Kelvin and Princess sms-ed friends and family.

"She-ra, princess of the universe!" I offered. Kelvin looked at me like I was crazy. "Ha ha. How about we call her Evilyn," he countered.

Sigh...I would have found a son amusing but somehow when I pictured myself as a mother in the past, I always thought about what I would share with a daughter. Deep down inside, I think I'm a girlie mommy.

Baby too Active and 1st puke

For the second time in a row, Dr Fong couldn't get a good look at our baby because it was moving about too much. I didn't realize how eager I was to find out the sex of the baby till that point. Even Peimin came along because she wanted to find out. Almost everyone has told me that they believe it to be a boy. Dr Fong made a very hesitant guess--a girl. Sigh....so now it's 50-50.

I'll have to wait till I do a through scan at Thomson medical on 29th Nov. Then I'm scheduled to see Dr Fong again right before we leave.

I'm feeling a lot better now. After I fixed sponge grips to the arms of my new specs, my headaches are diminishing. I still get them in the morning though. Must be dehydration. My appetite is improving. Unfortunately, I have to eat a LOT of starch in order to keep my energy level constant. Things with too much sugar are a no-no so fruit, nuts, rice and noodles are a must. According to some colleagues who've just had babies, the 2nd trimester, when you're supposed to feel glowy and lovely, can start as late as the 5th month. I'm at the 17th week now so this is the start of the 5th month. I do have a little more energy and my naps are not as long as they used to be.

My bump is seriously obvious now. It was quite unnoticable right till the 15th week and now it's suddenly inflated. I can no longer see my toes when I look straight down. When I spill something which I think will fall to the ground, I actually stain my shirt instead. My colleagues all give way to me, let me cut queue and spend time telling me all sorts of things that I shouldn't be doing.

Had quite a traumatic experience on the way to work on Thursday. We ate breakfast at Macs. It was perhaps the 2nd day that I'd noticed my appetite was getting better. It was raining and it was getting late so I didn't eat at a snail's pace like I usually do. Anyway, it may have been the bumpy car ride or the fact that I was drinking water in the car just as air was trying to escape out. Before I knew it, I have puked into a napkin I was holding. Kelvin had to stop at the side of the road so that I could expel my entire Big Breakfast. I was quite upset because (a) it takes a lot of effort to eat these days and (b) I didn't want the car to smell of vomit. Sigh. We had to return home so that I could soak my sweater and shirt which was stained. Kelvin had to call work to say that he'd be late. I managed the entire 1st trimester without puking and then this happens. Don't know why it was such a big deal but it just was.

Flowers, Books and Flatulence

I finally got my flowers. These pictures were taken 2 weeks ago and the flowers are still there. I just changed the water a couple of times. Will probably throw them out tonight though. Yes, they did make a difference in my mood.

Last weekend I insisted that we start to clear the den for the baby's room. Poor Kelvin. We just did up this room as the final room in the house. It was his MAN's room with dark walls and curtains. Perfect for an isolated video game of gore and violence.

So we cleared out our books (this is only half of them) and cleared a space for another shelf (below) from IKEA which is exactly the same except it's got a compartment in the middle big enough for a TV. Kelvin moved all his gaming equipment into the bedroom so as he says...he can watch the baby while he's playing games.




Here's where we moved the old shelf. As you can see, it's just display for Kelvin's toys at the moment. I felt it important to give him some space for his toys considering he'd be losing an entire room.

Flatulence

"Just call me Farty," I declare after my shower one evening. "Farty McShorty." I was pretty fed up with chaos going on in my digestive system. However, I'd decided that it's best to have a sense of humour about the whole thing. Kelvin laughs as he gives me a side glance. "Whatcha doin?" I ask. He was deep into a session of WOW but he was more focused than usual. "I'm on a quest with my colleagues," he replies. "Oh, that's nice. I'm on a quest too. A quest to expel as much air as I can before bedtime."

Feeling Safe and Balanced

What Keeps you Balanced?

There shouldn't be any real reason for my positive change in mood. I don't feel like throwing up so much but I still feel bloated every time I eat. This means instead of eating for 2, I've been reduced to eating for 3/4ths of a person. To cope and make sure we all get enough, I've taken to snacking on dried prunes, nuts, fruit, ikan billis, lavender-orange ice cream (which is what we're driving to get in this picture) and yoghurt.

I'm not as tired as before but then again, it could be attributed to the fact that I've been resting all week. Just walking at a steady pace through a crowded shopping mall left me winded today. Not like I'm the kind to run a marathon but I used to be able to a half hour of medium intensity exercise without feeling like my heart was going to pop out of my chest. I'm beginning to 'show', although the baby at this point is really only 10cm long which makes the whole lot of extra padding down there really disconcerting. By the time the baby is born I should have gained anywhere from 25 to 35 pounds. A baby is really only between 7 to 9 pounds which means the rest is ambiotic fluid, placenta and 'padding'...sigh.

Still, it's good to have a definite in your life. Most of us have our paths laid out for us in early life. It's school, job, independence from parents, house, car...but then what? I know it seems trite but I was starting to think I had achieved most of what I wanted in life. Nice place to live, husband whom I love, enough cash to cover my needs and wants. The only thing missing was a real sense of pupose and fulfillment. Of course I'm connected to people whom I love and who give my life meaning but I kinda wanted something more. Not that I wanted to envangelise, fight deforestation or build schools in neighbouring developing countries. I'm sure those are all noble causes but I feel as if I already fight the good war on the home front. Fellow teachers will know what I mean.

So I was beginning to ponder what to do next with my life. Sometimes, having total freedom to do what you want with your life can be a little scary. It's totally up to you. You choose your own path but it's the uncertainty of the what could happen that scares me. Somehow for me, it's always been about opportunity cost. If I make a decision to chase one course of action, have I missed out on something else of value? It's strange how I used to think that in having children I'd be giving up, no sacrificing, a whole lot of things. Perhaps, right until we found out we had a baby, I still felt that way. Recently though, I've been feeling safe and peaceful. It's as if I'm 6, enjoying life at school and looking forward to fried chicken wings, curling up with a book in my bedroom and then torturing my baby sister. Hee Hee.


The supplements

From left to right: The metallic foil pills are calcium which is literally like eating chalk because I have to chew them first. The bottle contains multi-vits and minerals. The rounded ping pong pills are progestrone, for my strained muscles. The pills in the centre are for wind. The capsules are DHA for brain development (baby's brain, not mine).


Just an Update on the Landscape

Well, they've finallly attached all the viewing capsule-pod-whatevers onto the wheel.

Since we were in the Marina area, I took some photos. The picture above was taken from inside Marina Shopping Centre to give you some perspective how big the thing is.

These were taken while driving past in the car. They unveiled the viewing pods only this week. Last week they were wrapped tightly in plastic sheets. I believe the first 3 months of operation for this thing are fully booked. Although, I have no idea when that will be.

The Voice of Truth and Reason

What started out as an attempt to look after myself almost turned into a nightmare. Today, I went swimming with my sister. Everyone, even the pregnancy books said that swimming would be safe. I rationalized that there wouldn't be any extreme pressure, impact or strain since I was going to be supported by water. I figured that I would just paddle around and walk in the water. Which was what I did. I also lay on my back and just kicked myself from one side of the pool to the other. In my teens, I had been pretty good. I trained 3 times a week under a coach and even considered going competitive at one point.

Perhaps in was the fact that I hadn't swam in years. When I got out of the water, I noticed a slight cramping sensation in my groin, somewhere on the right side. Being totally paranoid, I kinda freaked out and insisted that we should call the doctor.

Kelvin was as white as a sheet. He had told me that I shouldn't go swimming. However, his reason was more to do with chlorine water getting inside me so I had reassured him that under no circumstance would our baby be choked by chlorine water and that swimming was the safest exercise next to walking.

After calling the emergency number my gynae had given me, I lay down in bed. I suppose when you're paranoid and pregnant, you really imagine the worst. My gynae finally called me back and I don't remember what I said, I suppose I was rambling. He told me to take some of my hormone pills and call him in two hours. I couldn't wait so long so an hour later, I called him up and agreed to meet him at the hospital. All I wanted at that point was an ultrasound just to make sure the baby was okay.

In the end, the baby was fine. However, I had strained a muscle in my uterus and was experiencing a mild contraction. My gynae looked at me yet again as if I was the most ridiculous pregnant woman he had ever met and commented, "That must have been some swim!"

"Heah-hee," I protested. "All I did was wade around and do some kicking in the water."

The doctor told me to take it really easy. He gave me a week of MC and instructed me not to do housework even.

When we got home, Kelvin patted my head that said, "What have we learned today? If anything, it's to always listen to the voice of truth and reason--ie, me. No more swimming for you."

"Yes dear," I sighed.

Pampering 101

I've been having this overwhelming urge to have fresh flowers in the house. If there was ever a craving for me, this is it. No foodie-type cravings yet but I want flowers. So, after the gynae's visit, while I was distracted at the Clairins booth, Kelvin sneaked off to buy me a tiny bouquet from Seven-Eleven. He didn't have to and usually, he can't be bothered with anything green that grows (unless it's for eating). Anyway, I hung on to the flowers all the way home and didn't even unwrap them, just found a vase and stuck them in. I was still so excitied over the baby I forgot to take a picture until last night.

Another thing I bought once I knew was this:

Ever since my 30th birthday, I've become anal over skincare for some strange reason. As a child, I used to look at all the potions and lotions my mother had on her dresser table. Of course, I think I've been a little too extravegant but I rationalize that I'm not spending money on make up now that I wear my glasses all the time, I might as well re-direct my shopping urges.

Kelvin's been very sweet taking care of me, as all husbands should. However, I still feel a little guilty. I mean I'm not totally incapicitated but Kelvin insists on sending me to work even though it's just a 7 minute stroll away. He rushed home the other day to cook my lunch. I already feel like such a slob. All I do is eat and sleep on the weekends.

Serene commented that since I found out 3 months into the pregnancy, I've lost out on 3 months of rightful pampering. Ha Ha.

Genesis

Teacher's Day, 1st sept

For me, it all began here. I felt bloated and queasy. Shortly after, my chest started to hurt. It was lumpy and swollen all the time. Since I was busy and stressed at work, I thought that the tiredness I was feeling was related to work. When I started losing my appetite, I thought it was due to the fact that I had cut my carbs and lowered my sugar intake so my blood sugar was more stable. It wasn't until the lumpiness and tenderness intensified, I started falling asleep at the drop of a hat and bloating/flatulence got even worse did I consider something was wrong. Even then, I thought I had breast cancer or a severe stomach ulcer, or both! I considered going in to the gynae for a checkup but work prevented me from making the appointment.


Late September

I had been suffering for 3 weeks. In that time, I almost got my period but I wasn't really eating properly. So when my period just didn't come, I thought it was because of stress and poor nutrition. Which was nothing new. Sigh. In the one and a half years since my eye operation, my period had come but once. So I wasn't too worried. However, my chest was becoming increasingly sensitive and sore. I lay awake at night pondering and feeling for lumps. I decided that I had to take the hormone pills the previous doctor had prescribed when I went in for a fertility screening. Fearing that I would have difficulty having kids because of my irregular period, I had gone in to KK hospital expecting the worst. My fears were confirmed when the doctor told me that I had poly-cystic ovarian condition. It meant that I was prone to weight gain and would have difficulty conceiving because I would not ovulate regularly. It wasn't impossible, just difficult.

Kelvin and I resigned ourselves to the fact that we might never have kids. I didn't want to build up my hopes in case it never happened. Of course, there was fertility treatment but I told myself that it was unlikely that I would go to the extent of having IVF or some other expensive and invasive treatment. It just wasn't worth the emotional roller-coaster.

Meanwhile, I had pressure from my grandmother who even brought me to a chinese fertility clinic and my mother who brought this pastor to pray for me. Feeling a deepening sense of inadequacy, I started avoiding people who had kids and were very involved with their babies. Because, all they talked about was their babies. Instead, I started considering things like whether I should do a masters and which high end digital toy I should buy next. I got busy with re-organising the house and building additional cupboards. I took a six-month painting course that almost killed me because, I was going twice a week at night till 10pm, not sleeping till 2am and getting up again at 6am for work. I suppose my health really suffered because I wasn't exercising and I was tired all the time. My clothes started getting really snug.

When the painting class was over, I decided to just lose the weight I had gained. I started exercising 3, 4 times a week, eating more vegetables and fruits and I cut down on my refined carbohydrates. I dropped the weight in 8 weeks.

Maybe it was during this period of time that my body said "well, it's now or never. We'd better ovulate now while she's not cramming up her schedule. I think it was God's will. Two years ago, Kelvin and I would still have been cynical and hard-hearted. Evil kids at work had made us lose faith in parenthood. I think it was the birth of our niece that slowly melted our hearts. My eye operation was a wake up call. For me, if anything had happened to me in that operating room, there would be nothing left of me linked to Kelvin in this world. He would really be all alone or have to start over. I didn't want that. The need to be connected to him somehow overrode the fear I had. That's when I made the monumental decision to stop the contraceptives and try for a child. That's why I went for the fertility tests in the first place.


2nd October

After taking the hormone pills, my period still did not come. Not only that, now I could hardly eat. I was constipated and the only thing I could stomach was porridge and fruits. Even a little bit of food made me bloated and had me burping an entire afternoon. I even bought prunes to cure the constipation. I was emotional, I felt depressed. I wanted to leave work because I thought that I had finally taken in my limit and that work was pushing me over to insanity. I was even grouchy and hating myself for being so mean.


15th October

Hari Raya break. I finally had time to go see Doctor Tan. I was expecting some digestive aids or some charcoal pills. So when he told me to take a pregnancy test, I thought he was out of his mind. To humour him, I dutifully took the little plastic cup to the toilet and did my thing. Washed my hands twice and waited outside with all the other miserable looking people with Monday blues. When Doctor Tan finally called me in, I was contemplating what to buy Kelvin for lunch. Kelvin wasn't free to come with me coz he had marking to do at home.

"There, I told you, you're pregnant", Doctor Tan pointed to the little red 'positive' on the plastic cube. I started at him in disbelief and repeated over and over if he was sure I didn't have a stomach ulcer instead.

When I left the clinic, I burst into tears. I was a mixture of relief (that I wasn't dying of a stomach ulcer), disappointment (that my life, as I knew it then, was over) and joy (that our prayers were finally answered). Geez, God really has a sense of humour.

On the way home in the car, every time I stopped at a traffic light, I would burst into tears. When I walked through the front door, Kelvin was waiting for me to pass him his lunch. "I'm pregnant!" I exploded. For a moment he stopped dead in his tracks as he thought I was joking. When I started to cry (again), we hugged each other and jumped up and down.


16th October

I finally made the appointment at the gynae. When the gynae did the ultrasound, at first I couldn't look. I was nervous I guess. Perhaps it was deformed because I hadn't been eating properly. Maybe it was still really small and looked like a pea-sized alien. Maybe, the whole thing up to that point was a dream and I really wasn't pregnant after all.

"Are you sure you didn't know you were pregnant?", Dr. Fong asked. "It's so big already". That's when I snapped my head around. There the baby was, all ten fingers and toes, a well formed head and a beating heart. Time stood still. All Kelvin could do was stare with his mouth open. I couldn't believe it. The baby was kicking and squirming so much that Dr. Fong couldn't get a proper look at it to check for deformities. I didn't mind. It looked perfect to me.

Our first ultrasound from the front of my tummy.

Since we had no idea when we conceived, Dr. Fong had to work backwards. "Let's see, based on the size...6.5cm...it should be about 3 months old." 3 months! That's around the time Serene and Mike left for the States, when Gary had his wedding. I still remember sitting on Gary's sofa and lementing the fact that I might never be a mother. When Djin said the next time she saw me, I would be pregnant. I thought, "yeah right." I was bummed that some very important people in my life were leaving. After all, Rene and I have been friends since primary 6.

Serene and I the night before she left for the States

Later, Kelvin said that the baby looked so well formed that he thought it was ready to be born right there and then. So cute :)

Present Day

I'm still in shock. You see, to me, this baby almost never happened. I told Kelvin that the conception was basically a one-shot deal. If it didn't happen, it probably would never happen. Consequently, I've decided not to take chances, pray every day and really take things easy.

Mostly, Kelvin says he jumping up and down inside but he's holding it in. He's worried I will be tired out in Japan. Dr. Fong says it's okay to travel. I'm fascinated by the biological changes that are taking place inside my body like how the baby doubles in size every week. For the most part, the worst of the morning sickness is over and I'm enjoying being pampered. Starting to slow down even though I don't really have a large bump yet. I still just look like my mid-section is just flabby.

This whole thing is a great excuse to start shopping for clothes again. However, some maternity clothes are freakingly expensive. I have to find some cheaper alternatives.

I've also been told some pretty interesting old-wives tales (refer to links).

Mostly, I just wondering what else is in store. I don't want to be one of those mothers who eventually only reduce themselves to baby talk and exist, as if only to serve the needs of the child. At the same time, I want to be a present parent. Not one of those leave-it-to-the-maid-and-grandparents type of mothers. We'll just have to see how it all pans out.